


I have seen so many beautiful things.

by Nikolaus_Chaser



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Dean Has Self-Worth Issues, Engagement, M/M, Miscommunication, POV Dean Winchester, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-07 12:11:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13434465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikolaus_Chaser/pseuds/Nikolaus_Chaser
Summary: “As I am becoming more human with each passing day, I have begun to assimilate into the ‘pop culture’, as you say.”  He pauses, wetting his lips before he declares, “I have reached the conclusion that you and I should be married.”⊱ ────── {⋅. ✯ .⋅} ────── ⊰A Second Person POV telling of the story of how Dean and Castiel came to be engaged.





	I have seen so many beautiful things.

Castiel spends most of his free time in the garden now that the Darkness has been defeated and the only thing you guys really have to worry about are minor-league ghosts and werewolves and other things that go bump in the night.  He says that being around all the plants relaxes him, and as much as that sounds kind of silly to you, you learned a long time ago not to argue with Cas when he sets his mind to something.  Memories of that dark alley where he kicked your ass all those years ago– though faded now that so much else has happened since the days of the apocalypse– are still there in the back of your mind.  You know Cas can be one hard-headed and determined sonofabitch, and no matter what anybody says he is always going to do what he likes.  Not that you’re really complaining, anyway.  If letting Cas have a garden makes him happy, well… you aren’t going to say that it makes you happy too, because that would be kind of girly, but it’s pretty much the truth.

So naturally when you go to collect the angel for dinner, you find him in the garden tending to a small azalea bush with the most constipated look on his face you’ve ever seen.  It takes all of your self-control not to bust out laughing at the sight and even then a little snort escapes, alerting Castiel to your presence.  He looks up with a twitch of the lips, wiping his dirty hands off on his pants– they’re actually your pants, you realize after a second– and clearing his throat.

“Dean,” he smiles, “is dinner prepared already?”

“Uh, yeah,” you answer easily, reaching down to help Cas up from his seat in the dirt, “I know it’s a bit early, but Sammy was hungry, so…”

“I don’t mind,” Cas answers and you try not to laugh again, because of course he wouldn’t mind.  He’s still an angel, so much as his grace may be fading every day, and for now he doesn’t need to eat to survive.  He still does, of course, but that’s just because you’re cooking is so damn good.

“Come on then,” you smirk, and a dark blush creeps its way onto your cheeks as Cas’s muddy fingers lace between yours and interlock your hands.  He smiles unabashedly back at you and you respond with an almost exasperated huff, turning and dragging him back towards the entrance to the bunker.  You keep your eyes trained on the ground all the way.  It’s not your fault, really, for being shy.  Castiel’s always just has that effect on you… And it doesn’t even matter that you two have been together for well over a year now; you’ve seen him naked a million times without blinking an eye, and yet holding the guy’s hand still turns you into a pile of pathetic pink mush.  There must be something wrong with you, you realize for what is not the first time, and the thought leaves you uneasy as Cas begins to speak.

“I have been doing some research,” the angel announces rather matter-of-factly as you march him through the bunker doors and into the foyer.  Your footsteps echo loudly with every step and you stop walking, turning to look at Cas quizzically as he jabbers on.  “As I am becoming more human with each passing day, I have begun to assimilate into the ‘pop culture’, as you say.” He pauses, wetting his lips before he declares, “I have reached the conclusion that you and I should be married.”

Your mouth falls open and you stare at him, the ability for you to speak seemingly lost for a few moments as your brain processes what Cas just said.  He wants to… marry you?  That can’t be.  Why would he, anyway?  Hunters don’t get married, and you,  _ Dean Winchester _ , you  _ certainly  _ don’t get married.

“I’ve read that it is a human custom,” Castiel adds, his smile never wavering.  “When two human mates love each other and are willing to make a monogamous commitment, they get married.  And I want to marry you.”

“Cas,” you laugh, because you know no other way to react, leaning into the angel’s side and nudging him with his elbow.  “Man, you can’t just spring this on a guy!  Marriage is, I mean… It’s a lot to ask, y’know?  You and I… I thought that we were fine the way we were?  Why go and change something if it’s already goin’ great? And it’s not really something I ever considered…,” you trail off when you see the crestfallen look on the angel’s face, swallowing hard.  This is… bad.  Not good.  About a million thoughts race through your mind at once, but chiefly, you just want to erase the last two minutes from both Castiel’s and your own memory, and wipe that teary-eyed look off of Castiel’s face.

“I thought you would say yes,” Cas’s voice is solemn, a stoic expression on his face as he averts his gaze from yours.  It hurts more than you think it should, like a stab right through the heart.  And you know what that feels like, too.  “It is no matter, though.  As you said, why change something if it’s already going great?”

“Cas, it’s not- ugh,” you huff, scratching the back of your neck.  “It’s not like that, okay?  There’s just a lot of implications that-”

“I know, Dean,” Castiel interrupts, his lips pressed tightly together in what you think is an attempt to keep them from wobbling.  Shit.  You reach out to touch Cas's shoulder, but the angel jerks away, sniffing loudly.  “There’s also quite a few implications when you reject a marriage proposal.”

“Cas, come on.  You know that I… You know how I feel about you, buddy.  Can’t we just go eat dinner?” You ask, voice going up to an embarrassing pitch.  You frown and clear your throat, eyebrows scrunching together.  “Please.”

“My body does not require food in order to function.  Go enjoy your meal; I will be in my room,” he says curtly, and in a moment he is gone, vanished from thin air.  You curse under your breath and stomp your foot against the floor, raking your fingers back and forth through your hair and wondering what to do.  You could go down to Cas’s room and talk to him… But that would be pathetic.  And even if Cas is angry with you, the last thing you want him to view you as is pathetic.  Weak.

“Dude, hurry up or it’s all going to be gone!” You hear Sam calling from the kitchen, and that’s when you remember the whole reason that you went out to fetch Cas from the garden in the first place.  Dinner.  You let out a heavy sigh and stomp your way down the stairs, whacking Sam up the side of his head as you enter the kitchen.

“Don’t eat all the chicken, bitch,” you grumble as you reach up to get yourself a plate down from the cabinet.  Sam rolls his eyes violently and serves several pieces of chicken onto his plate, along with some green beans and carrots.  The vegetables are courtesy of Castiel’s garden, and the sight of them makes you frown, staring down at the plate in your hands silently.  Sam nudges you.

“What’s the matter with you?”

“Nothing,” you answer hurriedly, stepping past Sam and serving yourself.  Sam raises his eyebrows at you as if he knows you’re lying and continues past you and into the dining room, sitting down at the long table and digging in.  You join him a few moments later, setting two beers down on the table in front of your plate.  You still haven’t decided if one is for Sam or if they’re both for you.

“Where’s Cas?”

“Went to his room,” you answer shortly, stuffing your mouth full of chicken.  Sam’s eyebrows quirk up and you almost roll your eyes, because the way that he uses his eyebrows to express his every emotion gets on your nerves after a while.  He clears his throat.

“Why?  I thought he liked your grilled chicken.”

You let out a heavy sigh.  “He does.  He, uh… Isn’t feeling well I guess,” you fib.  Wrong choice of words, though, because Sam’s eyebrows shoot up like you’ve just set off an alarm in his brain.  Oh, great.

“What?  Is he okay?” Sam drops his fork onto his plate and it looks like he’s about to stand up and leave the table, to go check on Cas.  That won’t do.  You groan internally and shake your head.

“No, no he’s--  _ look _ , Cas is fine, alright?” you snap.  You pick up your knife and begin to vigorously cut into the chicken on your plate, pointedly ignoring the way Sam is staring at you.  After another thirty seconds, but what feels like a full hour of silence, you drop your fork and glare at your brother.  “Are you gonna eat your dinner?  Because I’ll take it.”

Sam frowns and picks his fork up defensively, jabbing at his chicken.  “I’m fine.”

There’s a tense silence at the table, and after another three minutes you finally break.  “Cas asked me to marry him,” you admit, the weight of the words rolling off of your tongue coming almost as a shock to yourself.  Sure, you were there when he asked it, but it takes a while to process something as big as that.  As big as marriage.  And Cas just proposed it so... so  _ casually _ , as if he were asking you what's for dinner.  As if he wasn’t asking you to make the biggest commitment of your life.

“Oh my God,” Sam’s jaw is dropped down and hanging there like an open mailbox.  Part of you wants to roll your eyes and smack him, but then his face lights up with glee and you feel your stomach twist with something like nausea.  “Are you serious?  Did he have a ring?”

You scowl at his excitement.  “Quit fangirling, okay? I told him…,” you swallow, casting your eyes downward.  “I told him no.  And no, he didn’t have a ring.  He just asked me while we were on the stairs.”

“And you told him  _ no _ ?” Sam’s scream is abrupt and startling, and you nearly jump from your seat, looking up at your brother with wide eyes.  Usually Sam doesn’t yell or scream unless the situation is dire… or he’s drunk.  Which, apparently, this situation is dire to him, because Sam’s face is as red as a beat and his eyebrows are wiggling around like crazy.  He’s making one of his stupid faces again.

“Well, I didn’t mean… I just…  _ Ugh _ ,” You let out a heavy sigh and slump back, a lump forming in your throat that is preventing any words from coming out.  Sam lets out a noise that sounds like he’s either choking or shrieking (or maybe both), and shakes his head at you in disappointment.

“I can’t believe you, Dean.  You and Cas have been doing this thing for… What?  Nine years?  Ten?  Now you’re finally together and he proposes and you-” he trails off, jaw working as he continues to shake his head.  “What, are you waiting for something better to come along or something?  Because I can tell you right now that nobody better than Cas is ever-”

“I know that, okay?” You hiss, leaning forward and glaring at your brother.  His face is still red and he looks sort of terrifying, and you think for a moment that he’s kind of acting like  _ he’s _ the one who got rejected tonight, and not Cas.  But then he’s talking again, and you have to change your focus back to his words again.

“Do you want to find somebody better?” Sam asks, voice quiet.  You swallow and shake your head.

“No, of course not.  Cas… He’s it.  I don’t want nobody else.”

Sam’s brows furrow again but his expression goes softer, and he leans in closer to you as he speaks in a softer tone.

“Could you see yourself spending the rest of your life with him?”

“Of course.  That’s what I want,” You answer.  Sam huffs and rolls his eyes.

“I hate to break it to you, Dean, but you just described a marriage.  For all intents and purposes, anyway,” he says.  You groan loudly, throwing your head back and then slamming your fist on the table.

“It’s not like that, okay?” You snap back, glaring in Sam’s direction and standing up from your seat.  “You don’t get it.  What Cas and I have… it’s perfect the way it is.  Why complicate it?  Why make it…”

“Permanent?” Sam spits.  You nod, and Sam’s scowl deepens, but you continue anyway.

“Exactly!  Why make it permanent?  Because once we’re married, he’s stuck with me.  And one day he’ll wake up and realize… He’ll realize that I’m not… Not…”

“Not what?” Castiel’s voice startles both you and Sam, and when you look over at the entryway Cas is standing there, trench coat drooping around him and blue eyes wide and red-rimmed.  He looks upset, but not angry anymore, and when he steps further into the room you stand, fists clenching by your sides.

“Cas–“

“What will I realize, Dean?  That you’re not what?”

“That I’m not worthy,” you say loudly, jaw tight and tears dampening your eyes.  None fall, but your throat bobs ominously as you hold yourself back.  Cas steps closer even, so that he’s only a few inches in front of you now.  You can feel his work-roughened hands reaching out to take your own, and you don’t jerk away like you want to, but you certainly don’t make It easy for him when he tries to lace your fingers together.  And when he steps even closer and tilts your chin up, you look away from him, the lump in your throat almost painful as Cas presses up close to your body. 

“That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard, Dean Winchester.”

“No it’s not,” you argue, and you’re sure of yourself now, eyes narrowed as you turn to look at Castiel in the eyes.  “If we get married… I mean, Cas, I love you… and stuff… but one day you’re gonna wake up and that’s not gonna be enough.  I’m not smart, I don’t even have a GED.  You and Sam would be better off getting married to each other than we would, the way you two have everything in common,” you mumble, gesturing haphazardly to the place where your brother is sitting.  His eyes widen at the implication that he and Cas would ever get together and he frantically shakes his head.  You ignore him and turn back to Cas. You let out a heavy sigh and let your hand drop back down to your side, shaking your head.  “You’re gonna wake up some day and realize you’re wasting your life away with a loser like me.  And if we’re married… There’s not really anyway out of it.  I don’t want to trap you.”

Castiel’s nose crinkles and he frowns at you, and you brace yourself for Cas to agree with you.  All logic has gone out the window at this point, now that you’ve bared your heart to him, and it never occurs to you that Cas would never do either of those things.  It doesn’t even occur to you until Cas is wrapping his arms around you and pulling you in, whispering in your ear all of the things that you can’t fully bring yourself to believe.

“That will never happen, Dean.  Never.  I have lived for thousands of years… I have seen so many beautiful things.  I have witnessed the rise and fall of empires, I have watched great Prophets come and go.  It all gets boring after a while, I have to say.  But with you… I have never been bored watching you.  Your soul is like a beacon in a sea of darkness, bright and glowing and never wavering. I love you for you, Dean; not for your worth or your intelligence- which, by the way, you are so much smarter than you ever seem to think.  You’re a tactical genius and you have an impeccable memory.  How many languages can you speak fluently? I even love you for your flaws; your self-loathing and doubt. How humble you are, how brave… I will never stop loving you, Dean.  You are everything I have ever wanted; ever desired.  And now that I am becoming human… I just wanted to express that in a human way.  Forgive me if I made you uncomfortable.”

You shake your head, throat tight as you choke out.  “Nah, Cas.  You didn’t make me uncomfortable,” he whisper.  Then you lean forward and capture his lips in a soft kiss, a tender one that leads into nothing, but still leaves your lips searing and tingling when you pull away.  “And if you want to, I’ll marry you.”

“You will?” Cas gasps, his eyes lighting up excitedly.  You chuckle, because it’s like watching a child on Christmas morning, and you nod.

“Yeah, of course.  I think I was just being a moron earlier when I said no.  Sam’s right-- don’t tell him I said so.  I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Castiel grins, leaning forward and capturing your mouth in another hot kiss.  This one lasts longer than the first did, and you moan as Cas’s tongue pushes into your mouth, dominating you with the kiss.  When he pulls away again you’re out of breath, and the smirk playing on his lips does nothing to help you in your quest to catch your breath.

“Besides,” he chides, “if I ever get tired of you, we can always just get a divorce,” he teases.  You swallow thick.

“Oh _fuck_ I hadn't thought of--,” you gasp, and then he’s crashing your lips together again and you’re lost to the sensation of kissing the love of your life for what’s probably the millionth time, but still manages to feel like the very first.


End file.
